ivanyouidiot | 001

Entry tags:

001 | Voice

[As far as interesting occurrences go, waking up with no memory of how he got there has never, in Ivan's experience, been a good thing. He's a bit past that point -- and past spending lots of energy freaking out over the fact that there's something growing out of his back as well -- by the time he figures out to look inside the notebook he sees. Reading what he finds gives him some notion of just how deep of a hole he seems to have fallen in, but at least everyone seems to be in the same position. And this Malnasso isn't a group he's heard of before. If keeping his head down is what he needs to do, then that's what he'll do.

Of course, keeping his head down doesn't always mean literally keeping his head down. Ivan knows that there can be just as much advantage to going, "Hey, look at me, I'm not a threat at all," as there can be to going entirely unnoticed. And he happens to think he's made the former into an art. And as far as these things go, he might as well meet the other abductees.]

Well, this is...

Hello everyone. I'm Ivan. [Cue a smile, it might not be be able to seen but he's pretty sure that it'll come through in his voice.]

I'm going to think that won't mean much to you yet, since none of you seem particularly familiar to me, but from what it sounds like we might have time to get to know each other. A few facts about me: I like parties, not getting shot at, and sleeping in late. And not having my body modified without my permission, [it's a little harder to make himself sound cheerful there, but he does his best,] but given the circumstances I'll settle for three out of four.

Your turn.

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I think, given the two, almost three, years involved, there's no way everyone who would know would agree to cover up your disappearance for that long.

[Ivan shrugs.]

As for astonishingly stupid... I'm fairly certain I'm not allowed to be a judge.

I ran away from home.

[ Alright, that's pretty stupid. ]

You mean...from Barrayar?

From the Imperium.

[A beat.]

I was a little drunk.

That...really doesn't make it okay.

But I assume it means that you weren't thinking? At all?

I expected someone would stop me. The whole time, I thought...

[He releases the rest of the sentence with a sigh, opening a hand.]

Then why even bother in the first place?

And...how did they not?

I don't know how the hole happened. I was at some oligarch's mansion on Komarr and went onto the balcony and just...no one was around.

So you left? That's...a little much, isn't it?

[He's quiet for a while. If it were Miles...Miles understands that kind of state of mind. Ivan wouldn't, not at this point. But Gregor hasn't told anyone yet, and it's been driving him crazy. Not crazy. Not crazy, no, just...worse. Who else can he tell?]

It...was a little less much than what I tried first.

What you...?

You weren't considering...defecting or something like that, were you?

[One finger traces a seam in the arm of the chair.] No. Even more permanent than that.

Edited 2012-07-22 18:56 (UTC)

Ahh...

[ There aren't many things that Ivan can think of more permanent, and surely he's just missing something obvious and stupid, but not... Not that serious. ]

Eloping?

[ Please let it be eloping. ]

[...So of all the things he's done since arriving here, deciding to tell Ivan about this is probably the stupidest. Gregor gives his cousin a fixed glare.]

Right. [ Clearly not eloping. ]

Well, then. Do I, uh... want to ask why?

[Glumly:] That's up to you, if you really can't figure it out.

Just, ah...

Are you feeling better now? Here?

Sometimes. [Gregor's eyes flick to his cousin.]

Ah.

[Ivan selfishly wishes that the Emperor hadn't decided to confide this. What's he supposed to do now? Follow him around and make sure Gregor's always having fun? Well, the latter might not be such a bad idea...]

What helps?

[A sigh.]

Staying busy, sometimes. I'm starting Judo lessons. [A beat.] I have a horse. [A gesture.] And there's also the fact that people here...come back. After about a week. So there's not much danger.

[Ivan shoots Gregor a look of pure alarm.]

You haven't had to...come back from it, have you?

No.

That's a good...start then. And you have a horse.

No girlfriend?

[Is Buffy..?]

I've only been here two months, Ivan. [He hesitates. In two months, he has barely adjusted. Ivan is still reeling. He's starting to feel like an idiot. Worse, like a selfish idiot.] I shouldn't have told you about this. I'm sorry. You just arrived.

[Two months was plenty of time to get a girlfriend.]

I think your problem is holding things in too much, not the other way around.

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